The Difference Between

The difference between two things is sometimes subtle, sometimes not. Here’s some examples of how to tell the difference between:

-Realistic and Arrogant

Realistic–If you’re reading this, you’re likely to be a person who likes to write some yourself, and you should write more, and be proud of it.

Arrogant-You think that, if it’s a slow day at work, you should be finding a place to hide and reading a book to pick up writing tips, or writing a blogpost or a chapter in your book, because “the world will be better off” for you doing that rather than doing what you’re paid to do and helping a co-worker with one of their tasks.

-Realistic and Paranoid

Realistic-While sitting in the bathroom, you realize that, even though you’re better than everyone else in the world in every other way, you must, unfortunately, admit that you’d be lying if you claimed that “my s**t don’t stink.”*

Paranoid-While sitting in the bathroom in a public place, you notice that the deodorizing spray-thingie squirts a little flower aroma in the air, and you automatically think that, instead of it being on a timer, it somehow is “reading you” and trying to counteract you.

(Wouldn’t it be great if, instead of just the little “squirt” sound, they’d program it to make some sort of robotic “Ewwwww” sound as it squirted?)

-Realistic and loathing yourself

Realistic-Realizing that people don’t always comment on your WP or FB or whatever posts, or respond to your comments, because, well, they have lives.

Loathing yourself-You think you wrote the dumbest thing ever, that everyone hates you, that not only is there a Facebook page called “I Hate (your name),” but there’s actually a local chapter of it, in your town, where all the members get together and have great parties, where they eat BBQ ribs and drink fancy beers and read your comments and posts out loud and laugh at them. And at you.

-Realistic and Hating yourself

Realistic-You think your dog licks your face and your arm because it loves you.

Hating yourself-You just think you’re sweaty and your dog is craving salt.

(Conversely, though, it’s pretty frickin’ gross when you’re petting a friend’s male dog, and you think to yourself “I’m cool after all; the dog likes me,” but then, for some reason you look down, and you notice that the dog is “springin’ a bone.”)

———–

I would have had more examples for you here, but I had to actually do some work today at work and didn’t have time to write any more words on this earth-shatteringly great post ran out of ideas.

  • I’m never afraid to swear, but for some reason I wanted to “temper the vulgarity” of the expression “my s**t don’t stink.”
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5 Responses to The Difference Between

  1. ksbeth says:

    hahahahahaha – the reality of laughter.

  2. I’d be the sort who would hide on a slow day and write blog posts. But only if there was really nothing to do. My shit really does stink though – that little squirty thing gets a workout!

  3. Gregoryno6 says:

    There’s a Paranoid somewhere among the people in my building. They went to some effort to cover the air freshener in a disabled toilet with a few squares and planted a roll on top to keep them in place.
    This, to a device that’s about seven feet above the floor and well away from anything that could be used to stand on.

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