(Warning: This post is a bit “off the hook,” or perhaps “off the rails,” if you prefer. It WILL most likely offend in some way. But we’re all adults here, or we shouldn’t be reading this blog anyway. This is a work of satire.)
The pond scum that calls himself Donald Trump seems to think that he is saying bold, assertive, challenging truths. I sincerely believe that most of us think he is just plain “out of his tree,” but in a cruel, stupid, thoughtless, pointless, immature, talentless, needlessly belligerent way. I consider myself to be a (relatively) nice, decent (well, there WAS that one time with that chicken, but it was a damn good-looking chicken), fair person, but I have an evil mind, and can imagine a lot of mean things to say. Therefore, since he has neither brains nor a filter, but does have several mean bones in his body, I give you my suggestions for:
The Next 10 Stupid Things Donald Trump Can Say
1. God, I wish I had raped that Mother Teresa just once before she died!
2. People who disagree with me are fags.
3. It’s too bad they developed those drugs that treat HIV; if that hadn’t happened there wouldn’t be as many people pushing for gay marriage and such.
4. When’s the bill gonna come due for all the free train rides the Jews got in World War Two?
5. Same goes for the free boat rides the blacks got from Africa way back when–what, was there Affirmative Action back then too?
6. There’s nothing better on a Friday night than drinking some 20-year old Scotch and strangling a whole litter of puppies.
7. The Taliban has the right idea about girls not getting an education–the only things women need to learn are how to cook, how to clean, and how to look good walking 6 steps behind me at some big event.
8. If colored people like Obama knew their place, they’d be pickin’ our vegetables and pourin’ our concrete and scrubbin’ our rich white folks’ toilets, and we wouldn’t have to bring all these rapists and drug dealers up from Mexico to do those jobs!
9. That guy from “The Blaze” has some good ideas; I wish there was a way his sperm and mine could combine to form a new race of “super-thinkers.”
10. When I’m elected President, I’m changing it to “The United States of Trump.” Then I’ll declare bankruptcy, because that’s what I do. And afterward I’ll somehow magically be called “a great businessman.”