More Daily Affirmations–A Wasted Life

My stupidity is boundless.

I have squandered my talents and countless years on foolish endeavors and a fruitless search for some woman who would “get me.”

My writing is as trite and vapid as Nicholas Sparks writing a local newspaper column about who visited who to play cards in a small town on a Saturday night.

My comments on other’s blogs are the insane ramblings of a glue-sniffing teenager who hallucinates that he is a NY Times columnist being paid by the word.

My entire emotional thought process could be summed up in one line from the Alice Cooper song “I’m Eighteen”: “Gotta baby’s brain and an old man’s heart.”

I have almost as much energy and drive for actually writing a book as a legless 90-year-old depressed nursing home resident has for running a marathon.

I have as much “writerly” imagination as Donald Trump has soul and warmth.

When I die, instead of “He Wrote The Great American Novel,” my epitaph will say “At Least Now I Don’t Have To Do The Dishes Any More.”

The grand sum of my past, present, and future writings will be of less importance to the world of literature than a dried-out wad of gum under a desk in an abandoned Detroit library.

I drain the life from my subject matter like some authors turn heroic subject matter into an un-readable block of wood (specific name deleted here by me, out of respect for that famed person going through a health crisis right around the time of this post–good luck to him and his family).

My youth, as well as the immense gifts I was given by fate or genetics, were squandered on drink, smoke, and mindless hedonism.

I bypassed the quiet decency of wonderful, intelligent, worthwhile, passionate, loving women in order to let myself get swept up by the dazzling glow of vain, selfish, unhappy, untrue women who picked me from the crowd and briefly worshipped me like I was a rare and beautiful flower, then quickly cast me aside like I was last year’s shoes.

The only contribution I have made to the world is to stumble accidentally into being a father; my only legacy is that I have helped raise her and loved her unconditionally.

I have driven away or become bored with nearly every old friend I’ve had; I never burn bridges but I almost always explode them.

My stupidity is boundless.


(Sorry, can’t embed Alice here because Warner Music Group won’t allow it–whatever)

(I’m trying this “read more” thing as a cheap ploy to get people to actually visit my site to finish reading my posts, so that I get “bloghits” and my petty ego is sustained a bit more than it has been lately; I trust it doesn’t offend you too much.  The original “daily non-affirmations” is here.)

This entry was posted in Humor, Life, Writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to More Daily Affirmations–A Wasted Life

  1. kjtysver says:

    You, sir, have under rated your value and talent. I laughed out loud a few times reading this and smiled through the whole delightful post. And, you legacy is of epic proportion; to have loved unconditionally

    • Well, thank you, “Einstein-person”, I appreciate that. We all have our times of self-doubt, I think. I hope we do, anyway, except for perhaps a mundane day-job that we know we are good at. My corny joke at work is “I am the Michael Jordan of BBQ grill assembly–my greatness is exceeded only by my ego.” It doesn’t pay as well as being a best-selling author or a paid blogger though. Thanks for reading.

  2. The Hook says:

    Whatever I can do to boost your ego, just let me know, buddy.

    • Very kind of you, Hook. You know what your fellow Canadian, Alanis, said years ago: “Or do you long for the next distraction?” That’s it, I long for that, so if you could send one of the ladies of ill repute who sometimes visit your hotel, one with a great sense of humor, that would be a great ego boost. 😉 Thanks for reading.

  3. BroadBlogs says:

    Well, you are immensely good at putting yourself down. I’m seeing a lot of talent there.

  4. Simply Wanda says:

    Hope ya don’t mind me following you?
    I am a newby to WordPress and am trying to discover just how far I can wade into the water until I drown in my own pitiful attempts to write! Please don’t think I’m stalking you if I visit your blog every day to read archived post.
    BTW… I “get you”, for I too have boundless stupidity! ;D

  5. Gregoryno6 says:

    I’ve exploded a few bridges myself. Sometimes I’ve regretted it later. But not every time.

    • I don’t usually regret the exploded bridges too much, but then again, sometimes it’s like I didn’t even exist before (take your pick) my daughter was born, before I started this job, before my mom, dad, sis all got sick and died, etc. Old memories aren’t much sometimes. And some old friends are just weird and boring after a while, while new ones are more interesting, it seems.

  6. This made me feel better on a shitcrap day. Thanks, TTD.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s