If Only You Were Here

I hate the made-up word “meme”.  It makes me want to become a spree-killer.  I hate its appearance, its pronunciation, its meaning, its very existence, its origin by some guy saying we should make up some excruciatingly dorky word to signify some sort of amorphous shared theme of thought or discussion, or some such godawful horseshit.

A “meme” (excuse me, I have to gratuitously vomit) which I have heard, after I thought I made up the concept myself, is the idea that one “cums” in similar style, or at least with similar intensity, to one’s sneezing.  If so, I am blessed.  I just sneezed so mind-blowingly, so blessedly out-of-my-head explosively, a few minutes ago, that I am still in rapturous afterglow, and will be for a while.  I let out such a loud astounded “Oh my god” and “Whoooo” that I’m sure my neighbor thought I was looking up porn if he was out in his backyard at the time.

Another is the idea (following the news story about the theory that pigs are as smart as dogs) that if pigs were so damn smart then bacon wouldn’t taste so damn good.  I and (I hate “I and” almost as much as I hate “meme”) 1.83 billion others thought that one up at exactly the same moment after hearing the story about the Einstein pigs.

Ah, the internet.  Spending time looking up different versions of “Sukiyaki”, a dreamy, haunting song by Some Japanese Guy (I always thought it was a girl singing when I first heard it in the ’60s).  “Guy” died along with everyone else who was in the plane that met up with the mountain in ____.  (I’ve spent enough time on Wiki and YT tonight; look it up if you so like.)  It’s one of those songs that I always imagine coming from another room.  The original Japanese words were totally bastardized in most English-language versions of it.  The very name of it in English is just basically “Some Random Japanese Word That Americans Have Heard”.    I like the words from A Taste of Honey’s version, but not so much their singing.  The original is still the best, with your version of the words added in your head.  Or out loud in your own home.  After a beer.  Or eight.  I kid–you don’t need a big alcohol buzz; a  huge caffeine buzz and a small beer buzz will do just fine.

Kyu Sakamoto’s “Sukiyaki”:

This is from someone I’ve never heard of, Jewel Akens, and must be from back then also.  It supposedly has the closest words (of any English version) to the original:

This one is from Nashville, Sweden, I guess (or Nashville, Norway?), but it’s my favorite except for Kyu’s:

(Kyu died in August 1985 along with 519 other people on a mountainside in Japan.  This is the actual plane crash):

Hey, I never said I was fair.  Vocal talent is fine, especially the lead, but the arrangement from the grown-up boy band 4 PM?  I’d rather have a root canal.

I guess I have heard of Jewel Akens:

As always, good night, sleep tight, don’t let the serial killers come in the night.

This entry was posted in Humor, Life, Music and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to If Only You Were Here

  1. Averil Dean says:

    Hmm. I guess that explains why I always sneeze more than once.

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