“You’re so pretty.
Yes, it’s my first date since my divorce 2 years ago. I just couldn’t bring myself to date anyone local; my wife was, haha, I mean my ex-wife IS, so popular in that town that I just couldn’t bear to ask anyone out there–I just figured everyone would hate me if I saw someone new. Didn’t seem to stop her though.
Whoops, I guess I broke one of the cardinal rules of dating: don’t talk about your ex.
Oh, really, well that’s nice of you to be so gracious about it; but enough of her, that’s in the past.
You’re right, I didn’t tell any of my friends about you–as far as they know, I’m still ‘in mourning’ over the failed marriage. No, I’m a big boy who can take care of myself; they don’t need to know I went out of state for a date.
I’m so glad you didn’t doctor your picture in your dating profile. If anything you’re even prettier in real life.
I suppose I’m laying it on a little thick, aren’t I?
This is a beautiful house and acreage you have here, so far up in the woods.
What did you say, you dug me as soon as you saw my profile? Wow, that’s…I don’t know what to say. I’m really flattered.
What’s that, an old graveyard of some of your ancestors? Newer, you say? Hmm, that’s interesting. You WHAT? You have 3 ex-husbands resting here? What’s that in your hand? Is that a gun?
Oh, my God, nooooooo! Ohhhhhhh! Why did y….
Where am I? What are you doing so far up there?
You what? Oh, I see now. You dug me, a GRAVE, as soon as you saw my profile.
I don’t feel so good…Mommy, help me!!”
——————–THE END (NO KIDDING)———————–
(Yes that story is a one-sided conversation, from an unlucky guy’s point of view, for Trifecta, who wanted 33-333 words to include the 3rd definition of doctor, as either a verb or noun, as in to alter something, or the thing that was the “altering device.” I’m glad they said we could use a verb, because a noun was a bit beyond me here, though several people pulled it off quite well, looks like. Oh, and I’ve always thought that we’d cry for our moms in a situation like this.)