So Pretty

“You’re so pretty.
You’re welcome.
Yes, it’s my first date since my divorce 2 years ago. I just couldn’t bring myself to date anyone local; my wife was, haha, I mean my ex-wife IS, so popular in that town that I just couldn’t bear to ask anyone out there–I just figured everyone would hate me if I saw someone new. Didn’t seem to stop her though.
Whoops, I guess I broke one of the cardinal rules of dating: don’t talk about your ex.
Oh, really, well that’s nice of you to be so gracious about it; but enough of her, that’s in the past.
You’re right, I didn’t tell any of my friends about you–as far as they know, I’m still ‘in mourning’ over the failed marriage. No, I’m a big boy who can take care of myself; they don’t need to know I went out of state for a date.
I’m so glad you didn’t doctor your picture in your dating profile. If anything you’re even prettier in real life.
I suppose I’m laying it on a little thick, aren’t I?
This is a beautiful house and acreage you have here, so far up in the woods.
What did you say, you dug me as soon as you saw my profile? Wow, that’s…I don’t know what to say. I’m really flattered.
What’s that, an old graveyard of some of your ancestors? Newer, you say? Hmm, that’s interesting. You WHAT? You have 3 ex-husbands resting here? What’s that in your hand? Is that a gun?
Oh, my God, nooooooo! Ohhhhhhh! Why did y….
Where am I? What are you doing so far up there?
You what? Oh, I see now. You dug me, a GRAVE, as soon as you saw my profile.
I don’t feel so good…Mommy, help me!!”
——————–THE END (NO KIDDING)———————–

(Yes that story is a one-sided conversation, from an unlucky guy’s point of view, for Trifecta, who wanted 33-333 words to include the 3rd definition of doctor, as either a verb or noun, as in to alter something, or the thing that was the “altering device.” I’m glad they said we could use a verb, because a noun was a bit beyond me here, though several people pulled it off quite well, looks like. Oh, and I’ve always thought that we’d cry for our moms in a situation like this.)

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16 Responses to So Pretty

  1. jannatwrites says:

    This was funny and sad at the same time. (Somehow I think there’s something wrong with me that I find any humor in this, but I’ll address that another day!)

  2. chamblee54 says:

    Was she belong to a well regulated militia?

  3. Draug419 says:

    It was fun filling in the other side of the conversation (:

  4. Lumdog says:

    So we have this “middle aged” divorce thing in common. And yeah, my ex knows everybody in town. I’ve had a couple of bad dates but no one has tried to kill me yet. Maybe you should stay off those NRA dating sites. Enjoyed this!

    • I gave up on dating a long time ago. Maybe I’ll stumble over a woman sometime before I die. I dated a couple internet losers several years ago. Once in a while I window-shop on Match, but they either don’t read books or they think they’re trophy-wife material, and my income won’t support that. I’m glad you enjoyed.

  5. gene3067 says:

    Damn internet dating sites. You never know who you’re gonna meet. 😉

    Well Done! 🙂

  6. atrm61 says:

    Ha!ha!Not all pretty faces are pretty inside,huh?And she may not have doctored her pic,but her twisted mind sure was!Loved it:-)

  7. Sandra says:

    I find the one sided conversation very original, I really like this.

  8. Good one. He was very easy to subdue, wasn’t he. I always put mine under the paving stones in the courtyard. One less bad date in the world, its a service to the sisterhood, really.

    • (Really, wordpress, “trailertrashdeluxe” commented on my blogpost? Thanks for the update.)
      Anyway, Rose, I’m glad you have a good place to hide them. The ground is really rocky under the trailer, so it’s so much work to dig under there. I’m looking for a new spot.

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