Ever have a sinus infection? What a big ball of fun that is. I think I’ve had one for a good six weeks, maybe all summer actually, with a cold mixed in somewhere lately. Some folks say you can’t get rid of ’em by yourself, without drugs, and some say you have to let ’em run their course, and why contribute to the overuse of antibiotics? They have a life of their own and a smell of their own. I first noticed mine when I’d hit the pool at the bottom of a waterslide at the local pool, back in August. Instead of chlorine smell in my snotter, I had this weird, rotten, chemical smell in there, like I’ve had before when I knew, by the
gobs of green phlegm other symptoms I shall not name, that I indeed had a sinus infection. There’s also the fun, hot dryness you get sometimes in your nose and throat, like someone’s burning dry leaves in your sinuses. I finally dug out a thing I’d had from a couple years ago, but had forgotten about, made by the same folks who make the thing called a “Nasal Douche” “Neti-pot”. This thing, that I bought (I suspect I bought it because it was the cheaper version; not sure why I didn’t try it back then), is like an overgrown nasal spray bottle (with a giant custom straw in it) that you fill with warm water and this pH-balanced powder, hold it under one nostril, and squeeze slightly. It geysers this stuff into your sinuses, which, well, does stuff to anything that’s blocking you up. Which, in turn, lets your body fight the infection a little better, since your sinuses aren’t just a big fucking block of wood any more.
All unpleasantness aside, the moment when you finally seem to be winning the war against a cold, or against an allergy, or against a sinus infection, and one or both nostrils truly and fully open up–I’d put that moment, or period of time, up against any (not that I’d know the meaning of these terms) high, buzz, impairment, drunk, glow, rush, or any other feeling of physical happiness you can have. The “endorphin rush” when that happens is, well, I really can’t think of any better term than one I like to over-use, which is “stunning”. Tomorrow the horror may be back, but tonight I’m in such bliss that I am just beside myself. I’d celebrate by having sex, but I got rid of my landline, and no single ladies know my cell number, no ladies are likely to knock on my door, and my imagination even just turned me down. But (knock on wood) I’m hoping the tide has turned, and this crap smell, this fatigue, this grossness, may, just may, be gone for a while. Time will tell. I know that I’ll use that spray bottle stuff occasionally from now on, until I read somewhere that it’s bad for you or something. If you try it, please read and follow the instructions; I will not be responsible for you hurting yourself, unless my blogposts in some way make you suicidal.
Why, yes, you ARE correct; this post IS in dire need of some beauty:
Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the serial killers come in the night.