I’ve talked about the movie “The Jackal” before, how much I loved that they shot Jack Black (who was basically playing Jack Black) as well as Bruce Willis. But I think they missed the alternate ending:
Bruce (holding a gun to the girl’s head): “You can’t protect your women, Declan.”
Richard Gere: “The FUCK are you talking about, Willis?” I shot the van, which caused you to be unable to track the first lady. If you had been able to, you still coulda blown ol’ ‘Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner’ and Tess Harper clean off that stage before Wang Chung was able to blow up the soccer-mom van. So, yeah I guess I can protect my bitches sometimes. But that’s not the real thing here, Bruce. Can you deny the smoldering looks we’ve had for each other each time we’ve first seen each other; I mean TWICE now it’s happened? At the dock in Chicago, and now here at the subway, when you turned and our eyes met, it was like, ‘There’s my next gerbil’. Can you deny it, Bruce?”
Bruce: “Yeah, I felt it too, Richie, but I still want to kill you, so drop the fucking gun.”
Gere (to the woman after she shoots Willis): “That’s okay, I’m back to women now. It’s just that Julia Roberts turned me off to them so much, is all, that’s why I turned to men and to rodents. I’ll be happy with you now, short-haired beautiful Irish-looking bitch.”
I think I have hit upon the ultimate t-shirt, one I’d love to wear to some writing conference or other “wordnerd herd” event. It goes like this: “It’s hard to be humble when your a great writer.” Or would this one would be a little better: “It’s hard to be humble when your a great English teacher!?” (even better, spell it “Engish”, I suppose) Either way, I’d hope the ladies would either laugh or correct me, or both. (both ideas are copyright this blog, btw, but please, use them freely, unless you make gobs of money doing so; then I want my cut)
Women–nothing but germ-filled heartbreaking machines. My little girl thought I made this one up till I pulled it up on the computer.
What do you get when you kiss a girl?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
And after that they’ll never phone ya,
I’ll never fall in love again…..