I Love That Couch

This leather couch is the most comfortable thing in the history of the world.  I could lie here forever.  God, those lingerie models are hot.  I wish my wife looked half that good.

There’s Dad lying on the couch like a beached whale.  I bet I could have sex with that couch.  Oh, look, Taylor Swift; I need to jerk off to her picture again tonight.

I wonder how many times Billy’s jerked off today.  I wonder if Bob could get any lazier.  He thinks I don’t see him ogling the supermodels.  I think I’ll go Google untraceable poisons.


Trifecta’s Trifextra weekend challenge this time was to write a story from 3 different points of view, using 33 words for each character’s part.  WordPress is wacked; I can’t count on it for being exact on the word count so I have to do it manually.  It’s not the “I” or “a” words that are throwing it off, so I don’t know what their deal is; maybe they’re cutting off the first word of the posts out of their counts.  Who knows?  I know I’ve got 99 words here.

(Breathtakingly exciting update for all WordPress users:  here’s more proof to me that all software designers spend all their time touching themselves to pictures of Bill Gates:  If I type in (at the beginning of adding a new post, and without the quotes) “one two three four”, then wait for autosave to do its thing, it gives me a word count of 3.  If I then hit “Save Draft” the count changes to 4, BUT if I let it autosave again, the word count goes back to 3.  I think they need a new picture of Bill–the old one is getting wrinkled.  My Saturday is now complete knowing this exciting fact.) 

Thanks for reading.

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20 Responses to I Love That Couch

  1. “I think I’ll Google untraceable poisons”. That line was perfectly placed!

  2. barbara says:

    laughed at the last line – agree with Mags on its placement.

    but . . . the addendum about bill gates? HILARIOUS!!

    • Thank you, Barbara. Software designers are responsible for things that help save lives in hospitals, or run utilities, or help us communicate or stay entertained, but they do NOT think like normal people, I’m pretty sure.

  3. This is really good! Its like a mini-pilot for a new sit-com 🙂

  4. jannatwrites says:

    I wasn’t sure where this was going at first, but I couldn’t help but laugh at the untraceable poisons line. Nice!

  5. Yikes. What a pathetically unhappy family.

  6. Wondering which family member the poison is intended for. Thanks for linking up. Come back tomorrow for the new challenge.

  7. Tamyka Bel says:

    That’s a picture of a movie I don’t want to watch and certainly don’t want to live! But it has a humorous undertone to it, which I really liked.

  8. Linda Vernon says:

    Oh I loved it! It’s hilarious!
    And the word count on WordPress is bizaare! I have to write the challenges in Word to keep from going insane.

  9. The SEX. I love how they are completely Oedipal as a family. Untraceable poisons. Just remember to erase the hard drive Mama. I hate WordPress’s wordcount, too.

  10. I feel I must apologize for missing so much. I’m trying to catch up now but man, you have been busy. Is it this Trifecta thing that is motivating you? If so, I guess I’ll have to look into it.

    • To tell you the truth, I haven’t had a lot motivating me lately; weather’s been reasonable, but I had that cold/allergy/sinus infection crap for 4 solid weeks, and it seems to be mostly gone now, but just writing SOMETHING for Trifecta has gotten me going, yes.

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