Dating Profile

Dating profile:

Username:  Johnnybewaybetterthangood1234

Seeking: Women between 30 and 55.

Within:  100 miles of the mansion here.

Body type: How you say in America?:  Mouthwatering.

Interests:  That fine ass of yours, baby.

Exercise habits:  Again with the ass.

Income:  However much you can bring in.  Let me take you into my confidence, sweet cheeks; the ladies usually take good care of ol’ Johnny here.

Education:  I will educate you in the ways of love.

Serious inquiries only.


(Just a Trifecta throwaway from me–use a particular definition of confidence)

This entry was posted in Fiction, Humor, Writing and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Dating Profile

  1. Fantastic dating profile! Can I use it? genders reversed naturally and with slightly less emphasis on the ass.

  2. gene3067 says:

    You forgot turn offs: Garlic.

    Love it!

  3. Libby says:

    See- I would appreciate the guy’s honesty. He isn’t making up a bunch of crap about long walks on the beach etc.

    • Oh, he likes long walks on the beach too, with him a little bit behind the girl (at “creeper-distance”, a hot female ex-coworker friend used to call it, so he could eye her up and down the whole time).

  4. babedarla says:

    I LOVE it!!! See, I might actually be willing to answer that ad…just for research purposes, you must understand! ROTFL!

  5. barbara says:

    ahhh the dating world of the 21st century. 🙂 So glad my genes/jeans are out of that pool. Well done.

  6. jannatwrites says:

    Well he’s not full of himself, is he? 🙂 I’m curious if such a profile would get any takers.

  7. Dating would probably be a lot easier if people wrote, and responded to, profiles like that.
    Thanks for joining us again. Please come back tomorrow for the next prompt.

  8. Annabelle says:

    That made me laugh, all the more because it’s not really ALL that far from what guys really write or mean by what they write! Thanks for sharing.

    • You’re right, Annabelle; all guys should just start off their dating profile by saying, “Looking for booty call that might develop into extended booty call, with companionship and long walks on the beach and all that other crap.”

  9. k~ says:

    hehhehe.. cute!

  10. “Serious inquiries only.” That’s a punchline for sure.
    I have seen the online dating world through various friends and family members, and this seems like an extremely accurate account.

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