Oh, hell it’s fun to do this Trifecta thing, and it’s not like I’ve been “bursting at the seams” with new blogging ideas. Maybe I should write about my sex life or my dating life. Here’s the summary of that: . So, though I do “vulgar” way better than “clean” (like Billy Joel said: “Sinners are much more fun”), they want us to use “clean” as an adverb, as in unsullied and pure, not clean as in a bleached toilet. Therefrickin’fore, I respectfully give you:
He was getting tired of all the driving. He had been hunting for hours and hadn’t seen anything good yet. He was tired of prostitutes; they were just so, well, dirty. And it wasn’t quite good enough, you know? It was just too easy, like getting drunk on a Saturday night. It was much more fun drinking on a Sunday, while driving around, like today for instance, getting a good buzz on while searching for a date.
He thought he had a live one earlier on Route 40, a brunette in a miniskirt, leaning over an engine just like Megan Fox in that stupid Transformers movie. Then Joe Muscleshirt came out from behind the car where he’d been hidden by the opened trunk lid. “Megan” gave him a big smooch, melting that fine stuff to him and putting the kibosh on Henry’s best-laid, well unlaid now, plans.
So he stopped at the drive-through liquor store in Watertown (what a great invention–you shouldn’t have to get out of your pickup to stop drinking), and drove on. A few miles on, he saw her, a clean victim if he’d ever seen one, a nun, a little overripe maybe, but still, a nun! He stopped to help her change her tire, and when she asked how she could repay him, he pulled out his knife and said, “By getting into my truck, NOW!”
“Boy, are we gonna have us some fun”, he told her as he headed for a spot he knew, a little public hunting area with a grove of trees to hide his rig behind. He started to undress her when suddenly she caught his eye. It wasn’t the fact that she was religious that bugged him; it was that she reminded him of his mother. No woman had such purity as his mother had.
He couldn’t rape her, not any more. He couldn’t just let her go though. She said “I forgive you” as he reached for her neck.