Brunch With Mama


I guess I’ll try this thing once during the week.  Thanks for bearing with me, Trifecta.


We want between 33 and 333 words from (and including) the third definition of the word:

1: generally used, applied, or accepted
2: vernacular <the vulgar name of a plant>
Good luck!

This week’s word is vulgar.


                                  BRUNCH WITH MAMA

Joey strutted into the kitchen in halter top and bikini bottom, earbuds cranked up to hell, smacking gum and texting, smoking and stroking her pussycat Delilah.  Another stranger sat at the breakfast island.

He was in the middle of one of Amber’s Bloody Mary’s, it looked like to Joey.  From the look on both their stupid faces, he’d been in the middle of Amber all night.  Amber had pink sweatpants with “JUICY!!” on the butt, the stranger had some of Daddy’s jammie bottoms on, and they wore matching Daddy’s-old-wife-beater shirts.  He spied Joey and almost fell off his stool.

“You didn’t tell me you had a twin.”  Amber and Joey smiled at each other.  Only 17 years apart, they often got that, until you looked a little closer and saw the hard edge around Amber’s eyes.  Billy Ed used to say it was the plain-ass mean around Joey’s eyes that was the biggest difference.

“Who’s the honey?”  said “Jimmy”.  Amber smacked him on the head with her spatula.  “That’s my daughter Joey, you prick.”  She slammed his steak and eggs down in front of Jimmy, but she smiled as she thrust her chest in his face, saying “And she’s just like me, if you know what I’m sayin'”.

Joey opened the fridge, grabbing an orange which she proceeded to drop, bend over from the waist to retrieve, peel, and suck each slice of, with greedy laps of her tongue and an occasional smile at James Robert.

“What you listenin’ to, girl?”, asked Jim-Bob.

“Lady Gaga”.

Jimmy snorted a little tomato juice out his nose, “That skank, man she is one ugly bitch.”

Amber and Joey both looked at the floor, then at each other.  Amber picked up the rolling pin and smashed Jimmy in the back of the head, just once.

“Mama, you promised I could have some of the next one.”

“Nobody talks about the Lady in such a vulgar way around me!”

“I know you love her, Mama.”

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32 Responses to Brunch With Mama

  1. That was Springer-tastic! Loved it.

  2. Mrs. One Day says:

    I love the raw edge of this piece. You have truly painted a picture with words.

    Good luck in the challenge!

  3. Tara R. says:

    Now that is a devoted fan.

  4. From the first sentence, I knew this was going to be over-the-top vulgar fun. What color was her pussycat, Kevin? Teee heeeee. (Sorry. Vulgarity is catching.)

  5. karen says:

    Oh no!! Wow!!

    That was a seriously amazing picture you painted! I have a great rolling pin, bought it when I moved away from my mother’s rolling pin which was good, but not as heavy as mine. It is a perfect tool that always gets the job done.

    Nobody sez vulgar things about our Gaga!

    • Hmmm….I trust the rolling pin is used for baking and not murder.
      Thanks for reading.

      • karen says:

        Oh ya. Definitely for pastries, pies, cookies and bread dough. But I love the folklore around rolling pins. The cartoony-ness of it. And there is something very satisfying about the weight of the thing — I’d rather have one of those under my pillow than a gun in my bedside table if you know what I mean. =)

  6. hah! loved it:) Truly Klassy:p

  7. jesterqueen says:

    I loved that. It was sick. In the best sense of the term. Wow. I felt dirty just listening to the two of them. Then when she smashed his head in and Joey was nothing but jealous? Whoever said Springertastic nailed it.

  8. Wow didn;t see that one coming! cool. -)

  9. Wow. Scary. And well written.

  10. booguloo says:

    Another possible. Nice write.

  11. Oooh, I get cranky too when folks say Lady Gaga’s ugly. That’s just low!

    I’m really digging this story, TTD. It’s so deliciously decadent.

  12. Lexy says:

    Love the descriptions! You really painted the scene 🙂

  13. Thanks for joining up, trailertrashdeluxe. Ha, I hadn’t seen that one coming. I don’t think I’ll popping round there too often the quality of Amber’s Bloody Marys notwithstanding. This was greta fun and very well written. Welcome to the challenge! Hope you can link up over the weekend too.

  14. A very good read – with the twist at the end, I think I’ll imitate everyone else and say “Nobody talks about the Lady in such a vulgar way around me!” But was that the third definition? That’s the problem with some of these Trifecta prompts (not that I don’t love them) : so many of the third definitions seem to overlap the first and second ones too.

    Anyway, I loved it!

  15. Pingback: I’m Sick to Death of Not Writing P**N | Trailertrashdeluxe's Blog

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