Don’t Bother Coming Home (Trifecta Weekend Writing Challenge)

Well, as usual, I missed the obvious prompt and such, but, for a bit of fun, I submitted (I believe) this to the “Trifecta Writing Challenge” weekend contest, which asks us to put a story in 33 words, plus the writing prompt of “The phone rang at 4am”.  Here is “Don’t Bother Coming Home”:

The phone rang at 4am.  It was her–“He’s left me for good.”  He got up and started to dress; his wife stirred and propped herself up on one hip.  “Stay there or keep going–either is fine.”

————

(Computer-illiteracy is a constant pain for me–perhaps I’ll have to start clicking on the links offered by the spammers to improve my site’s layout)

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14 Responses to Don’t Bother Coming Home (Trifecta Weekend Writing Challenge)

  1. booguloo says:

    That pretty much was clear.

  2. This is great. The dialogue is believable and stisfying. It’s much more sophisicated than the casual tone of the piece suggests. Nuanced. Well done.

    • Well, thank you for the kind words. The limitation of the small word count forces us to do that, I think, and to not hammer the reader over the head with stating all the obvious background, which I would like to do.

  3. barbara says:

    the ultimate in ultimatums . . . stay there or keep going.

    nice catch on the prompt!

  4. Thanks so much for linking up to Trifextra. Remember, this weekend’s entries are being judged by the Trifecta community, so make sure you visit the site at the close of the challenge to vote. Our linking service will not allow you to vote for a link from the same computer where it was submitted, so plan ahead! Voting closes 12 hours after the close of the challenge. Winners will be announced with the Monday post. Hope to see you back then.

    • Pretty squeamish about voting for myself, and I have a dumb phone (with a correspondingly small cell phone bill), plus I like some other entries at least as well as mine….but I do appreciate the heads-up about not being able to vote for myself from the trailer here.

  5. Decisions, decisions…I like that I thought the wife would be shocked, saddened, but she could go either way. What will he do? Makes me like her. Well done.
    Came from the Trifextra linkup.

  6. jesterqueen says:

    This could almost be the companion to one of the other pieces, where the wife hears her husband get up and dress but doesn’t let him know she’s awake. I also like how the wife’s character is revealed here.

  7. You fit a lot into a little space. It has forward-motion and leaves me hanging. Well done!

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