Random 1/31/ 2012, Plus The Best Voice We’ll Never Hear?

Someone found my site by typing in “I tied up two sisters and f***ed them both I tied up two sisters and f***ked them both”.  I don’t know what led them to me, but it’s not something I advocate it’s not something I advocate; when I have 2 nuns over, I want their hands free so they can rap my knuckles and my shoulders with their Bibles when I’m bad.  Duh.  (And Duh)

Other searches included “lonely shepherds” and “the trailer trash match maker”–sounds like a great business idea (combining the two themes, of course).

More t-shirt ideas:

–“Stop talking to me.  You’re interrupting me while I’m trying to text you.”

–“What are you so happy about?  Don’t you own a mirror?”  (To be fair, this one should just be a verbal comment, a spar in the ongoing sarcasm war with your favorite co-workers and friends–not to be seen by some random person who was having a low day).

–“Desperate doesn’t mean not picky.  GO AWAY.”

–“Women should be like Chinese takeout–equal parts sweet and sour, and always ready in ‘Ten Minute!'”

Another dubious idea for a pick-up line:  “I’m doing advance work for the TV show ‘American Pickers’.  Would you maybe be interested in selling that body of yours?”

My sister would have been 58 today but fucking CANCER fucking TOOK her 4 years ago.  Her son graduated from high school a couple years ago, and my niece will graduate with honors this spring.  My sister hadn’t had a mammogram for 5 years and was in her late 40s when she found that her magic number was stage 4.  My mom had breast cancer in her early 40s and mid-70s, and lived to be 94.  As they say, “just sayin'”.

It had to have been 2006, because the movie didn’t come out until April of that year, and we weren’t able to go to movies in ’07 out there, but that summer, when I visited sis and the kids, we went to the movie “RV”.  It starred Robin Williams, Cheryl Hines, Jeff Daniels, Kristen Chenoweth, and a passel of kids.The movie is just silly fun, nothing grand, but harmless and warm-hearted.  As we were getting up to leave the strip mall theater that day, the cast was performing “Route 66” as the credits began.  Jeff Daniels isn’t bad, the two ladies were okay (though they did a corny yodel thing), Robin Williams was very wooden, but, at the end of the song, one of the kids, Joanne “JoJo” Levesque, sang the lead.  Her performance was a stunning departure from the singing talent level of the other actors, such that I had to visibly turn and look to see who it was.  Of course, my sister might have thought I was checking out the girl, but, no, she was about 15, with that adult voice (Cheryl Hines is more my style).  I had never heard of her, but then found out she actually had some records out and a couple hits.  After looking around on youtube for quite a while, and sampling her stuff on Amazon, I just wasn’t nearly as impressed as I was with her total takeover of the Route 66 song, and with her acapella version of a Joni Mitchell song.  She has had a couple OK songs, such as “Note to God” and “How to Touch a Girl”.  But all I hear is that horrible clomp-clomp handclap-sounding rhythm, like in a lot of Janet Jackson songs, and crappy boy-band type phrasing, and a waste of a great voice.  I don’t care much for most of Mariah’s stuff, but “Vision of Love” was a perfect first big hit for her, well-written, a powerful performance, and a big hit.  I’m not sure what Christina has had huge hits on, but her gift seems mostly wasted by crap songs.  Linda Ronstadt in another generation had huge hits that weren’t nearly as good as a couple that weren’t as big on the charts, but were timeless songs (though even she went through huge dry spells of songs that just weren’t all that great for her).  But Jo Jo, unless I’ve missed something really big, hasn’t hit that yet.  Well, she’s 21 after all, so there’s time, though there is a hard edge around her face, and I hope she’s not partying too much.  That would be an even bigger waste of an incredible voice.

I played this clip over and over the other night–I don’t know, maybe I was hoping that, well, my sister, you know–it was the last movie I ever went to with her.  But also because the voice, out of the teenybopper who bops in after the “rapper” gets done at about 1:18 in, is so good.  It’s a short clip; you could watch the whole thing easily, but the yodelers and the rapper set her up for the solo and finale pretty well.

Won’t you get hip to this kindly tip?

When you make that California trip

Gotta get your kicks on Route 66

Her range and phrasing on this 4am acapella cover of “Help Me” are, for real, the most appropriate word, awesome:

This entry was posted in Humor, Life, Music and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Random 1/31/ 2012, Plus The Best Voice We’ll Never Hear?

  1. Joni is one of my go-tos. She’s not bad at all. At times, she really hits it. I always feel sorry for people who were once in the camera’s eye. It can just be so weird. (I’m taking your lead and focusing on the visuals in front of me instead of the story about your sister because that just sucks and makes me feel really, really paranoid.)

    • Yeah, I try not to dwell on my sister’s ordeal and death too much, to think about the positive, like my mom catching her cancer twice and living to a ripe old age. She had a mastectomy each time. But at “anniversary times”, I think about it a lot, and 4+ years after my sis died, it still sucks ass. It was so pointless. Yeah, it can develop suddenly, in between checkups, but people’s chances of beating it are so much better if they can catch it in time.
      I used to have a bunch of Joni Mitchell albums, but you have to be in the right mood to hear her.

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