–Last weekend’s “weekend love forecast” for me was “You’ll take charge of your love life and shape the act in the way you want it to go.” Which was funny, because I have never abducted and killed anyone, and wasn’t about to start, just because my horoscope said I should.
–At this one place I worked, we would sometimes get missing or damaged gas grill parts inside the grill boxes. Instead of building up the grill to the point where we needed that part, then having all that crap sitting around while waiting for the replacement parts to come in, we’d just take another part from another box, then slip the part in that box when it came in. I hated doing this if the reordering system asked for a serial number of the grill with the bad parts, because I was always afraid that the factory would go back and check their records to see who packed that box, and then murder the wrong Chinese guy.
–If, like me, parts of your holidays were great and parts were less-than-stellar, just remember this “celebrity cypher” answer from blues great Muddy Waters: “I got up one Christmas morning, and we didn’t have nothing to eat, we didn’t have nothing.” I’m sure my daughter had plenty to eat at her mom’s on Christmas morning, and she had pumpkin pie for breakfast here the day before, so life is good, I guess. I could eat for weeks out of my fridge, freezer, and cupboard–how about you?
–From my “WordPress Annual Report”: “Some visitors came searching, mostly for wild rape, stupid Norwegians, rape boobs, interracial lesbians, and lady masturbating.” Mildred would be so proud. (My mom, rest her soul.)
–They had a different view of “leading someone on” back in 1948, when the Gregory Peck/Dorothy McGuire movie “Yellow Sky” came out. After breaking up a fight between two of his gang, one who tried to assault her, and one who came to her rescue, Gregory told her: “Stop coming around my men. And stop swinging your hips all over the place!”
–I feel bad for him, as I would for anyone whose career has taken a dive, whose marriage to a famous, wealthy, somewhat pretty (certainly cute) actress ended quickly, and who had to fight cancer (though I’m happy for him that he apparently kicked the cancer), but the fact remains: Tom Green has never, ever, in his life, said or done anything remotely funny. He needs to sell insurance or something and get out of the public eye.
–Same thing, with different details for Jack Black and Howie Mandel.
–“Bromance” is a stupid term that needs to die. 2 guys spending a lot of time together are friends, gay lovers in a romance, or both. What’s next?–2 female friends who are happily heterosexual, but who love to shop together–are they in a “Gromance”? Or is it a “Sismance”? Let the dictionary cool off for awhile. It’s pretty big already.
I really enjoy reading blogs, and I really appreciate having other people read my stuff, and I enjoy a couple other things in my adult life, but, make no mistake about it: until such time as I have some adult female companionship in my life, or some actual sense of accomplishment, this kind of thing is the only reason I ever get out of bed in the morning: