Things I’m Thankful For–Turkey Day 2011 (Heavy version)

–I’m thankful that not every TV show is “shot-through” with that ridiculous, bright, glaring green and yellow light that “CSI: Miami” has.  1st-year film student at the controls, or what?

–I’m thankful that I almost never see any TV shows that use what I call the “Shy Cameraman” technique.  You know what I mean?  I think “NYPD Blue” used to use it, among other shows.  I think they wanted to make it seem like the cameraman was just a person who happened to be in the room, getting pushed around and having his lines of sight cut off by the characters (and by extras, and office furniture, and windows, and doors), like a shy person not wanting to get in the way to do his filming.  The technique was forward-thinking, fresh, unique, more like real life DUMBER THAN FUCK!!

–I’m thankful that you don’t very often hear about any new instances of the thing called “The Stockholm Syndrome”, where a hostage in a bank robbery empathized with the robbers, because then I’d have to point out that they called it that, not because it happened in Stockholm, but because “The Dumb Fuck Who Can’t Tell the Good Guys From the Bad Guys Syndrome” was already taken.

–I’m thankful that I can watch all the Gobbler Day football games, unlike last year, when our local Fox station decided to take their free signal off the air.  I had Directv without local channels at the time, so I was screwed.  To my mind the fact that that station manager did that on such a big football day, without warning, puts him in the “beast” category.  I hope bad shit happens to him, not like a nasty disease or anything, just that he loses his job and loses his wife, to some guy who is uglier but richer than him, and who says nice things about the woman’s big fat ass.

–I’m thankful that the internet and my computer sometimes help me work on my typing and concentration skills–that even though I keep my system fairly virus-free, sometimes when I type stuff in, the damn computer just sits there, trying to outguess me (in search mode).  If I start typing in “Tara Lipinski’s..”, obviously I’m looking for “Tara Lipinski’s Lips”, not “Tara Lipinski’s Olympic Medals”.   (Too frickin’ funny–I decided to check this out, and found that a website called “famtic” claims that her nickname is: “Lips”.   For real, or so they say.  Btw, I’m lusting after the adult T.L.’s lips, not the kid skater)  Or sometimes freezing up in wordpress (too many morons like me trying to enter their earth-shatteringly entertaining thoughts in at the same time?), so that I have to type in entire sentences while the cursor just sits there, not registering a keystroke, for a good 30 seconds or more, till it unfreezes and sploos my entire output, spelling mistakes and all, onto the screen.  (Good word, huh–“sploo”?  Same meaning as “spoo”, not to be confused with “spew”.  All verbs, those.  The noun form could also be “spoo”, though “splooge” is much more descriptive).

–I’m thankful that, although I will be able to spend all of my time in the nursing home (time that’s left after napping, being bathed, pooped, fed, and pilled to death, that is) shaking my head at the remembrance of all the STUPID things I said and did as a young man, I’ll never have the regret that the young man who was married to Kim Kardashian for 72 days or so will have.  I’ll never look back and shake my head at how ego-headed moronic I was for expecting some hotel in the Twin Cities of Minnesota to PAY…ME!! for having my wedding reception at their lowly inn.  Look it up; he expected an “appearance payment” of, I believe 3o grand.

–For that matter, I’m thankful I’m not any reality show or sports “celebrity” who’s ever been paid to put in an appearance at a bar.  I know the bar owner makes a killing by having other morons come in so they can breathe the same rarified air that Snooki or someone breathes out, but unless they’re doing something useful like singing or stripping (or both), their reward should be getting free drinks.  They want to go out somewhere to drink, anyway, just like the rest of us–the fact that they get free drinks, and the huge ego boost of everyone there clamoring to talk to them and tell them how much they adore them, those should be enough.

–I’m thankful to be reminded sometimes of the utter hypocrisy of too many religious people.  I know I’ve mentioned before how I don’t feel bad to say something is “gay”, because gay men are (right or wrong) stereotypically weenieish.  I just don’t think it’s something they should get up in arms about, any more than they should be up in arms that a gay couple isn’t represented in some form of entertainment or some discussion.  I may be offended that old guys aren’t represented in steamy love scenes in movies.  Big deal.  Concentrate on things that matter, like legal or tax or employment discrimination, not what people say about you.  But, for crying out loud, I saw recently that a whole bunch of Lutheran churches broke away from the main Lutheran synod, because the synod voted to allow gay clergymen.  So….., you folks, who believe so strongly in how forgiving Jesus supposedly was, are going to take the Bible verses about men not being with men or whatever, and go running off with your hymnbooks to another church.  My…Fucking…God.  I’m not sure whether there’s a Jesus or not (I have a real hard time believing in a God who is so capricious and power-hungry that he would tell Abraham to go slay his own son–what good, exactly, does that do?), but, if so, he was very forgiving of the downtrodden and of people who made mistakes.  So, hypocrite bastards, see the gay folk as being mistaken people if you want, but see them as people.

–I’m thankful that, although it allows me to spew out my rambling crap, WordPress has never put my posts onto its “Freshly Pressed” page.  I’d hate to think my stuff, though trite it can be, was that trite, and I’d sure hate to answer all the laudatory ass-kissing comments.  Don’t get me wrong, there’s a few winners among the Freshly Pressed, but most of them are beyond bland.

“Synchronicity II” is to “Synchronicity I” as this post is to the Lite version of my thankfulness–a lot edgier, more pissed off than thrilled, lyrics more controversial than affirming, but hopefully with a driving beat and some mystery off at faraway lake.

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6 Responses to Things I’m Thankful For–Turkey Day 2011 (Heavy version)

  1. There’s a lot of great stuff here, TTD, but I especially love what you said about religion. I wish all the hypocrites could have have their heads put on straight. I think most of us would be very grateful for that. I devoured your last paragraph. That was cool.

    • Turkey Day isn’t what it used to be–my brother and his family, and I, usually eat at the nursing home with my dad, who likes visitors but not for a great length of time. My daughter usually eats at her mom’s that day and I have her later in the weekend. So…I have a LOT of free time on my hands that day. Hence the long posts.

      I find it hard to not get a real bad “hate” on for most overly religious people (as well as most rich people, but that’s another post), and if I see a bunch of obvious church-goers at a grocery story on Sunday morning, I say to myself “Here come the hypocrites”. Some are great people, I know, and really, really caring people, but too many are there for the image and to be with others who also look down their noses at people who they consider “wrong”. But I am thinking of going there to look for women. To my mind, that’s as freaky as it sounds, but, after all, that was the chief socializing method in the old days. But I’d have to get up early Sunday to do it, so we’ll see about that.

  2. The Hook says:

    Great list – fun and truthful. Nice work!

  3. gregoryno6 says:

    I share your feelings about ‘Freshly Pressed’. A few gems, but a lot of very ordinary stuff too.

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