Had to laugh at the stupidity of someone else’s Google search today. I wanted to double-check something, something that I already knew, earlier today, that serial killer Ted Bundy had worked next to true-crime author Ann Rule at a suicide-prevention hotline center. I started typing in “Did Ted Bundy prevent any suicides while…” and it gave me, among other choices, “Did Ted Bundy have any noticeable character flaws?” Well, other than abducting, raping, brutalizing and killing dozens, if not hundreds, of young women and at least one girl, perhaps not. Or are we splitting hairs, and talking about his “character” as opposed to his actions? Okay, then, yes, I’d say he had the character flaw of wanting, and planning, to be abducting, raping, brutalizing, and killing dozens, if not hundreds of young women and at least one girl.
I throw icky corroded pennies away, because they are basically worthless, and because I figure that, if I’m one cent short of buying a bite to eat someday, then being homeless is WAY overrated.
I have greatly diminished expectations these days–among my new interests on facebook these days, instead of “Being a famous writer” or “Being a famous singer” or “Being a male model” are: “Not dying alone in a cardboard box under a bridge” and “Kissing enough ass to stay employed in this shitty economy.”
New idea for a t-shirt that can only be worn by either grumpy old men or utterly vacant, hot young women: “You don’t interest me all that much.”
I had another new idea for a t-shirt yesterday, one that I thought was my new “greatest-idea-ever”, but I can’t recall it at all now. Those of you who are kind enough to say you have laughed at some of my stuff would have laughed, I’m sure. It struck me as being great, but it’s gone now. I mean, it’s as if (with the proper adjustment for the talent level, of course), Shakespeare had forgotten “To be or not to be, that is the question”, and later came up with “To do away with myself, that is the question”, except I can’t even remember the “that is the question” part. It’s like when you go back to some website, a shopping one or whatever, and try to log in, but you can’t even remember the user name you picked, let alone the password. Not as bad as when I was a kid and suddenly realized that I, too, would someday die, and crawled under a table and silently cried while the family was watching TV, then thought, then or later, of something that somehow made that realization way better, but then forgot what the better thing was. Pink Floyd incorporated that sort of idea into their song “Comfortably Numb”: “When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse, out of the corner of my eye, I turned to look but it was gone, I cannot put my finger on it now, the child is grown, the dream is gone…..”
My little sweetie wants me to get a dog, “So you’re not lonely when I’m not there”. Like always, she wanted me to go out and pick one up right then. I told her that I’d rather get a girlfriend because they don’t scratch at the door to be let out to go to the bathroom; they just go by themselves. She hasn’t lately, but used to cover my eyes with her hand when someone was kissing on TV. One time, when I told her that her mom and I kissed once, she went “EEEEEEEEUUUUUUEEEEEWWWW” for what seemed like 30 seconds but was actually at least a couple.
Anne Frank as milkmaid: I updated my Facebook to include Anne Frank as a favorite author and it threw in the book title, so I clicked on it, so now I have “Dairy of a Young Girl” among my interests there. Unless I just plain miss one, I can’t abide misspellings, so I wanted to remove it and replace it, but had some issues, so it’s still there. Mach schnell mit der cottage cheese, Fraulein! (Sorry)
“Is good this guitar solo, I coming hard now, thanking you muchly for teach me what good music is!”: