Happened to be in another town this weekend that had a Borders bookstore in it; I didn’t think they even had Borders any more. I’m glad they do, because I got free sample food and drink, got to overhear a very loud mobile phone ringtone, followed by a louder conversation about the gentleman’s treatment of his arm infection or abrasion or whatever, and found some originally overpriced books that were marked down to 4 bucks, including this gem:
The book includes the “best American censorship blunder” from onenewsnow dot com, a Christian family values organization, where they had their computer set up to replace every instance of “gay” with the, to them, more accurate term of homosexual. I had heard of this before, but didn’t realize how many unintended moments of hilarity were in it, such as (they’re talking about runner Tyson Gay–whoops, Tyson Homosexual, by the way): “Homosexual dominated the competition” and “‘It means a lot to me’, the 25 year old Homosexual said. ‘I’m glad my body could do it, because now I know I have it in me.'” Oh, and he’s color-coordinated, so you know he’s gay, I mean homosexual: “Wearing blah blah blah, along with matching shoes…. (this is where he dominated the competition)…He started well and pulled out.” And, “After the race, Homosexual and Dix looked at each other and slapped palms, then hugged.” And, last but not least, “‘I’m sore right now,’ Homosexual said, ‘but probably from the victory lap.'” Are you sure it was from the victory lap?–might want to ask the family values people what they think about that one.
I made eye contact with the young lady who the “arm-sore guy” was being helped by, as I walked by her after hearing his odd little conversation, then mentioned it to her in passing as I walked back past her later. She chuckled, but I couldn’t hear what she said with her soft voice, and she was a teen, so I didn’t ask her to elaborate and maybe make her think that I was as odd as the arm-sore guy. Or, as odd as the lady bicyclist in the same town, who rode across in front of me at a crosswalk while I waited for a red light; suddenly she re-materialized back in front of me from the other direction, stopped directly in front of me and the people to my right, and PRIED a road-killed bird from the street. I was afraid she was going to kiss it or eat it or something; rolled down my passenger window and asked the man and his son: “Did I really see her pick up that roadkill?” “Yeah, I wondered what she was going to do with it”, was the answer. As we were driving off, I glanced over, and it looked like she was just being a do-gooder throwing it in the trash, not someone who was going to eat, smoke, or worship the dead bird. I’m not sure how the trash was a better disposal than the street; the bird would have fed the ecosystem more as roadkill, I think, and there isn’t enough cash in the world to get me to pick up roadkill without gloves.
I wonder if she was single?