I’m cool and people revere me (or I totally suck at life)

I’m cool and people revere me I totally suck at life:

As you can tell, this one’s going to be some of the best writing known to man use crossouts (or “strikethroughs,” whatever) for the hell of it.  I’ve seen other people do it, and it was gayer than Elton John on his wedding night actually rather entertaining, so I thought I’d make everyone wish it had never been invented have some fun with it.  It doesn’t seem like I’m having very good ideas or writing entertaining posts, which leads me to believe that I blow goats I need to improve.  Either that, or quit my job and blow goats for a living find a hobby I’m better at.

I wanted to touch base with you again about one of my “favorite” musical groups, The Black Eyed Peas.  I mentioned them in an earlier post (“More things I hate”).  I’d link to it here, but I am as computer literate as a cartoon seahorse, but without the cuteness  like to keep my blog uncluttered.  One day at work recently, while I was being carried during the nonbusy season so that I could bust my ass during the busy season I was on break, I counted the number of times they sing “Tonight’s gonna be a good night” (or “good good night”) during their big song “I Gotta Feeling,” and it was 24 times.  I came to the conclusion that the songwriter blows goats with wild abandon is very savvy and knows a good thing when he sees it. 

I’m so happy that the price of gas has gone up like insane chimpanzees were in charge less than it could have.  Of course, the reason it sometimes goes up is that oil company executives need a 4th vacation home, and oil futures traders are total greedheads there are complex economic factors at hand.  (A little “aside” here from the “I hate computers” department: I accidentally went one space too far after my last “crossout,” and, do you think it would let me get the next word—“there”—back to normal typing, in a routine, easy fashion?  Nope, after about 6 tries, I finally had to delete the whole previous crossout, save the draft, then start in again with “oil company executives blah blah blah.”  It goes back to one of my pet peeves about modern technology; it tries to outthink you and gets it wrong.)  Anymotherfrickin’way, I’m so glad to know that me having enough cash to take my little sweetie out for a happy meal isn’t as important as their profits I can contribute to the economy’s rebound by buying gas, no matter the cost.

Instead of my usual outerwear combo of hooded-sweatshirt under jean jacket (more on that in a future post), I wore my black leather jacket to the grocery store last Sunday (not preppie-guy leather jacket, think biker-looking jacket, but without decals, “colors,” or bike for that matter).  So, maybe the fact that I looked less “un-spiffy” than usual was why a young woman seemed to be checking me out.  I was thinking to myself “Holy Frickin’ crap, Cupid, how’s about givin’ me something within 25 years of my age to work with here; I’m not a rock star, you know,” “How flattering to have an attractive young woman smile my way.”  I suppose I should have tried chattin’ her up, both to just keep in practice and to find out if she actually thought I was younger, but I am a total wienie-ass who doesn’t try if there’s any chance of failure realist who didn’t want to find out that I reminded her of her dad, who’s actually 5 years older than I am.

I hope that people aren’t offended by my swearing and off-colorness in my blog posts.  I do it because I’m an overgrown juvenile who doesn’t know what real humor is I think people like it, because it has a little shock value, and they’re thinking much the same stuff; they just don’t put it into words.  I love it when women, especially ones who seem prissy or reserved, say things that are coarse, shocking, and/or sexual, because it makes me think “Wow, I’d like to see what they look like in just heels” “Wow, they’re people, too!”

People who read my blog are really nice people who don’t have lives phenomenally attractive, intelligent, witty, charming and successful people.

P.S.:  Is “off-colorness” a word?  Well, did I say it?  Then it’s a word.   Thanks for listening.

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6 Responses to I’m cool and people revere me (or I totally suck at life)

  1. PL Holden says:

    Thanks for telling it like it is man, the crossed out lines are really funny. I was thinking about doing that on Dream inside a dream 3 after a kind of trance inducement got too trippy for me. I hope you’re not really concerned about whether or not your words are “proper”, because if there is a “word police”, we’re both getting tickets.

    • Thanks; I appreciate the comments. The main thing I ever care about with being too off-color is losing what few readers I have, but what the heck–I just do it for fun, so who cares, right?

  2. You’re funny.
    Let me know when those goats start paying.

  3. groovyrick says:

    Sorry I’ve been out of the loop for awhile. Just now getting caught up and out of your last few posts, this one is my favorite…made me laugh out loud on more than one occasion…almost as loudly as the female involved in my first sexual experience. To quote John Winger in Stripes, “I wanna party with you, because you and me together? Forget it.”

    • Thanks, groovyrick. I will have to look back–have you “blogged” about the lady? Hopefully, she wasn’t laughing at you!

      Yeah, I don’t like to toot my own horn (well, some), but we all know when we’ve written something “okay” and when we’ve done better, and I really liked this one, esp. as it came after a “crap spell”, by my estimation. I figure that real good comedians must sit back and laugh their asses off at their own best jokes before they tell them, so we’d better like what we write sometimes!

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