As usual, I’m wrong–Uncle Kracker is a talentless alleged sex batterer, not a talentless wife-beater. Sorry.
More things I hate:
–Breathy young male singers. I can’t think of the real words to the song, but there’s one that should go: Well, I sing like this, cuz it makes the girls think that, I’m deep, and they wanta take their, panties off for me…..
–John Mayer for anything he’s ever done or said (plus see above, the breathy male singer thing)
–Pointless falsetto–I guess it worked okay for Frankie Valli back in the early 60s, with his famous song “Walk like a man, talk like a man, sing like a fag.” (Chill out, I’m making a lighthearted joke) But I hear a lot of it these days, in songs where it would sound at least as good to, well, just fucking sing it in your full voice.
–Black Eyed Peas at all, ever, for their very being. They can’t sing, their songs are way on the far side of dumb, and what the fuck is up with the stupid fucking names? Will dot I dot am dot sucky dot at dot every dot fucking dot thing dot I dot fucking dot do. Dot! And hey, I’m no Gene Kelly or Paula Abdul (well, maybe on Saturday nights if the kid isn’t staying overnight–every guy likes to dress up once in a while, don’t they, don’t they?-whoops), but what the fuck kind of “dancing” is it that they do–they strut around a little, one will walk forward a little, then walk backward, then another one will, then maybe a couple of ‘em will walk forward or back together, etc, etc. Ever notice that the more jerkin’ around people do on stage, the less musical talent they seem to have?
–Soft, then loud parts in songs. I don’t mean where it makes sense, like in Grace Slick’s “White Rabbit” where she starts off slow and quiet and escalates to a full-throated musical orgasm. I mean where they sing a chorus at normal volume, then later they kinda almost whisper it, then immediately sing it loud. It worked fine for the 3 Doors Down song “Kryptonite,” so now every male singer thinks he has to do the same, to prove how deep he is, so the girls will shuck their panties. (See “breathy young male singers above”)
–Almost all modern country music; it’s simply awful. And the worst: My fave, Uncle Kracker, with that crappy song that goes “oh you make me smile.” It’s singsongy, trite, and he does that stupid soft then loud thing towards the end. Thank God he doesn’t do falsetto.
–The words to the aforementioned “Smile” song. Here’s a sample: “you make me blah blah blah, blah blah blah, sing like a bird, dizzy in my head….” Don’t you mean you make me … sing like a bird, like I’m dizzy in my head, or some such thing, dumbass? Nope, that wouldn’t be cutesy-wutesy singsongy enough, so it wouldn’t fit in with the crappy formula of today’s mainstream country. You could easily replace the words with: “You make me, sing singy song, song singy sing, sing singy song, song singy sing, ……oh sing sing sing song.” I’d love to gratuitously vomit on those lyrics.
Oops, startin’ to spew some bile here–guess I’d better do a “things I like” entry pretty soon.
Thanks for listening!
